


The Light in Your Eyes and the Dark in Your Heart

by FayeHunter



Series: Lingerie 5sos [25]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Alcohol Abuse, Panic Attack, a little hurt mostly comfort, ashton calls luke in the middle of the night and luke just wants to be there for his finace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:33:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29271798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FayeHunter/pseuds/FayeHunter
Summary: Luke knows something's wrong when he gets a phone cal in the middle of the night from Ashton.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin
Series: Lingerie 5sos [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1933258
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	The Light in Your Eyes and the Dark in Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Can you believe this is part 24 of Lingerie? This is the another part of the Valentine’s arc that I’ve been writing. I write alot about Ashton supporting Luke and being his rock and I wanted to show that the feeling was mutual for the both of them. 
> 
> Thanks to [Amanda](https://lifewasradical.tumblr.com/) for giving me the suggestion as to why Ashton would be in Australia and for being my always editor on this series.

Luke wakes up, sweeping his hand across the bed and frowning when he finds it empty. Luke rolls over onto his back, trying to get his bearings in the dark, groggy and half asleep. He can hear Petunia snoring in her sleep, the only sound in the otherwise quiet room. Luke looks over to the clock, squinting, surprised when he realizes that it reads 2:00am, ticking away. Luke sits up, rubbing at his eyes, trying to figure out what’s woken him up so suddenly. His phone goes off at that moment, ringing from the bedside table. Luke only has a few moments of wondering who could be calling him at this hour before he realizes that it’s Ashton calling him at this hour. Ashton, who’s in Australia right now, where it’s a reasonable time of night for a phone call. Ashton, who Luke spoke to before he went to bed, who sounded fine and happy on the phone, excited to be with Lauren and Harry to celebrate Harry’s birthday. Panic builds up in Luke’s throat, waking him up as he scrambles for the phone. Luke has just missed the call, phone going silent, home screen lighting up to show Luke that he has five missed calls, all from Ashton, back to back.

It’s never a good sign when Ashton’s calling Luke this late at night. Ashton’s gone back to Australia for a few days, alone this time, to see his family. Anne-Marie had called him up a few weeks ago, telling Ashton that she understands  _ they’ve just visited for Christmas and they’ve only just gotten back to LA, but Harry’s birthday is coming up in a few weeks and he misses you so much, we feel like we didn’t get to see you that much during your trip and he would be so happy if you came to see him again. _ She’s not wrong of course. Even though Luke and Ashton had been there for a few weeks, most of their time had sucked up with the wedding plan and finalizing things. Ashton hadn’t spent nearly as much time with Lauren and Harry like he wanted to and even though going to see Harry would mean missing Valentine’s Day with Luke, it hadn’t taken much convincing for Ashton to buy another plane ticket to spend a week with his family. He’d tried to persuade Luke to go with him, but Luke had declined, insisting that Ashton go on his own to spend quality time with them.

Luke’s regretting it now, as he opens his phone, fumbling with it as he presses Ashton’s contact number, holding the phone to his ear as he waits for it to connect, shaking slightly. Ashton had called Luke earlier in the evening to say good night, considering Luke was heading to bed and Ashton was getting ready for dinner with his mum and siblings. Luke had whined about being lonely without Ashton, finding himself going to bed earlier then he usually does without Ashton to spend time with, watching a movie or cuddling or doing  _ other things _ . The bed is emptier and colder and Luke’s been sleeping in later without Ashton waking him up after morning runs. He’d whined about missing Ashton’s cooking too and Ashton had teased him about this being a chance for Luke to learn to cook. It should probably scare Luke, how co-dependent he and Ashton are at times, but they’re getting married and it feels a little late to be worried about how much they rely on each other for things. When Luke had hung up with Ashton, he had sounded happy about having dinner with his family, about giving Harry his birthday gift. The only reason Ashton would be calling Luke at this time is if something terrible has happened.

Luke listens to the line ringing, holding his breath as he waits for the call to connect, mind already racing over what’s waiting for him on the other side.

Ashton picks up on the second ring, choking out a quiet  _ hey  _ across the line. Luke lets out a breath, comforted to realize that this means at least Ashton is okay. Although, from the sound of it, he might only be physically fine.

“Oh, Ashton, sweetheart. Are you okay?” Luke asks, voice soft as he curls up back into bed, staring up at the canopy over their bed and picturing Ashton next to him.

“Everyone’s fine. I know you worry, but everyone’s fine.”

“Thank you for telling me, but I asked if you were okay,” Luke tries again, listening to Ashton’s shaky breathing over the line. He’s a little echoey and Luke can picture him sitting on the bedroom floor of his childhood home, phone next to him and on speaker. This is not an unfamiliar occurrence for Luke, but he is surprised by it happening. Ashton hasn’t had something verging on a panic attack in ages, usually because whenever Luke starts to sense one coming on, he makes it a point to step in and talk Ashton down, ease his worries, ground him. Ashton’s gotten better since he stopped drinking too, able to better focus on himself. It breaks Luke’s heart a little, that he can’t be there for Ashton, can’t hold him. The best he can do is what he’s doing right now, being the voice on the other line, being there for Ashton.

“I don’t...I don’t think so?” Ashton says, the end of the sentence coming off as more of a question than anything else. 

“Ashton, I want you to breathe with me okay? Just focus on my breathing and count with me,” Luke says, taking a few deep breaths in and out, listening to Ashton copy him on the other side of the phone. Eventually, Ashton’s breathing evens out, steady on the other line.

“Fuck, Luke, I’m sorry for waking you up,” Ashton says, when he’s finally stable again. Luke snorts a little, rolling his eyes. Of course, Ashton would have a panic attack that required him to call Luke and immediately apologize to Luke for it.

“There’s nothing to apologize for Ashton. What happened to you? That’s all I care about.”

“I was at dinner with everyone and I just...I just kept thinking about how Harry and Lauren are so much older now, they’re growing up and I can’t be there for them. I was there so much for them when they were younger, I practically raised them, and now it’s like I’m barely there. I’m missing so many major life events and it feels so selfish of me to be out here following my dreams, my passion and just leaving them. I feel like I’m letting them down not being here, but then I come out here for Harry’s birthday and I feel like I’m letting you down.”

“How are you letting me down?”

“I’m not going to be there for Valentine’s Day. I have to give you up to be here with everyone. I feel like I’m stuck between everyone, I always have to give someone up. I’m disappointing everyone and I just can’t do this. I can’t keep jumping between worlds, letting everyone down for my own selfish reasons.”

“Ash, sweetheart. No one thinks you’re letting them down. No one expects you to move mountains. You’re already spread so thin. You work yourself so hard, taking care of everything, doing all you do. You spend so much time caring about everyone else, you forgot to care about yourself.”

“How am I supposed to care about myself when I can’t even take care of everyone else?”

“You are though. God, Ashton, you care so much about everyone. You went to Australia to see Harry because you were worried about letting him down and now you’re calling me worrying about letting me down. Honey, the kids just want their brother, I just want my fiancé. They understand you’re living your dream, doing what you love, having a career. I understand you have to be with your family. No one faults you for anything, for doing what you love, what you need.”

“But what if everyone does? I just keep doing things for myself.”

“Ashton, you have never once done something for only yourself as long as I’ve known you. I mean, fuck, we had a foursome because you were so determined to put me before your own comfort. You’re the most kind hearted, open, caring person I know. You could never let any of us down. We love you. Your mum, Lauren, Harry, me. Nothing you do could ever let us down because we love you.”

Ashton sniffles on the other side of the phone, “Even when I wake you up at two in the morning because I can’t get my brain to turn off.”

“Especially when you call me at two in the morning because it means you thought of me before you thought of drinking. See, you could never let me down,” Luke says, letting the smile edge into his voice, tone soothing. He knows there’s still days where Ashton struggles being sober, especially when he’s like this anxious and depressed and wanting to drown out the voices on loop in his head. He’s proud of Ashton, of all the progress he’s made, how hard he tries. It’s the same way that Ashton checks on him everyday, makes sure he’s eating properly and drinking water and that he’s focused on making sure he’s healthy and not staring at himself in the mirror. It’s love, built on care and concern and mutual adoration and respect. 

Ashton huffs out something that sounds like it might be a dry laugh, “You’re going to hate me in the morning when you wake up cranky.”

“Well, without you there to wake me up after your runs, I’ve been sleeping in. I’m practically spoiled now, getting to wake up whenever I want. I don’t know what I’ll do when you get home.”

“You don’t want me to wake you up with kisses?”

“I never said that. I would just prefer my kisses at a more reasonable hour.”

“Princess,” Ashton teases lightly. Luke fingers the bottom of his silky pajama top, aching to have Ashton in the same room as him, to see his face, his smile.

“You’ve never complained before.”

“I wouldn’t have you any other way. If you weren’t being a diva about something, I would think you’d been replaced by an alien.”

Luke laughs, end of it tapering off into an audible yawn that he has to cover with his hand.

“You should go to bed Lu. It’s late there.”

“Like talking to you,” Luke mumbles, burrowing into the sheets a little more, phone on speaker now, resting on the pillow next to him. He closes his eyes slightly, pictures Ashton laying next to him, black hair fanning across the pillow, moonlight lighting up his smile, arm wrapped around Luke’s waist.

“You can talk to me in the morning.”

“But I wanna talk to you now,” Luke whines. Ashton chuckles, quiet on the other line. Luke listens to his breathing, tries to match it, hears the sounds of Ashton’s family banging around outside the bedroom.

“I was thinking about Valentine’s Day,” Ashton says after a few moments.

“We already said we would celebrate when you get back.”

“I know, I know but I was thinking that maybe we could celebrate on the day too.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I might have bought you something fancy and lacy as part of your gift. I could tell you where to find it and maybe you could put it on and we could video chat,” Ashton says, all in a rush. Luke giggles.

“Ashton Irwin, are you asking me to have video chat sex with you?” Luke teases. He hears Ashton let out a strangled choke on the other side of the phone. 

“I’m asking you, my fiancé, to put on a nice gift that I bought you and to Facetime with me on a romantic holiday, so we can spend some time together. To make up for postponing our real plans.”

“If we happen to both get off during this activity, that is purely an accident,” Luke says, laughing when he’s met by silence on the other side.

“You’re being very mean, after I just poured my heart out to you.”

“Ashton, I would love to have webcam sex with you for Valentine’s Day,” Luke says, audibly yawning at the end of this sentence, hand covering his mouth.

“I’ve kept you up too long, you should get some rest.”

“But I like talking to you.”

“And you can talk to me in the morning. Please, go to sleep, okay? We can plan our Valentine’s Day plans in the morning.”

“I guess. Sing to me?” Luke asks, wanting to have Ashton be the last thing he hears.

“Of course. I love you,” Ashton says.

“Love you too,” Luke says back, closing his eyes. Letting Ashton’s voice lull him to sleep. The last thing he thinks he hears is Ashton whispering  _ sweet dreams _ , but it could be a byproduct of his state of sleep.

Luke wakes up the next morning to a text message from Ashton wishing him sweet dreams and thanking him for always being there for him, little purple heart at the end of the message. Luke pulls Petunia over, cuddling her to take a selfie to send a  _ good morning _ message to Ashton. He closes his phone, smiling as he presses kisses to Petunia’s head. Even when Ashton isn’t here, Luke can be there for him. He’s just as much of Ashton’s rock as Ashton is for him. It makes Luke happy, knowing that their love is like this, trust and understanding and love. Knowing that no matter what, they have each other for their lighter moments and their darker moments and that it’s all they really need.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [tumblr!](https://pixiegrl.tumblr.com/) Talk to me about Stardust, 5sos, Luke Hemmings, or you can sidetrack me by giving me more fic ideas!


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